Words Will Never Hurt Me: Update

Well I should have known yesterday would be a bad day for Coda by the "gross" comment.

When I picked Coda up and asked him how school was he said, "not good." When I asked why he immediately started tearing up. He said Steven, a good friend of his, slapped him in the face, Tray kept poking him on the head and kicked him in the bum!

I asked, "were they teasing you together? Were you laughing? Was it a joke?"

"No. No. And no."

I didn't feel like I was getting all the story about Steven. So I said, "Coda, I feel like you're not telling me everything. I'm not going to be mad if you tell me the truth." That's when he said, with big alligator tears, "actually, I slapped Steven first."

What?? Don't get mad. You told him you wouldn't get mad!

"Why would you do that?" I asked.

His mouth got tight as he tried to hold back the tears. "I thought it would be funny."

"Funny? Why would slapping someone be funny?"

He gave me a shoulder shrug.

"What did your teacher say?"

"Just that I had a really big hand print on my face."

We first talked about how in no shape or form would that be funny. Then I told him he deserved to get hit back. Then I suggested we drive to Steven's house and apologize. Let's just say he wasn't happy about that and leave it at that.

We went to Steven's house and his sweet mother also felt terrible about what happened. Fortunately, we are good friends too so we used it to teach the boys. They both apologized, Steven more willing than Coda. I don't think it was so much Coda didn't want to say he was sorry. I think he was just super embarrassed, like his mommy.

They both apologized and then I came home to return the teachers phone call. I began apologizing the second I got on the phone. After talking to her and Coda I learned that Coda was really just playing and that he really didn't hit Steven hard. But Steven didn't like, I don't blame him! The teacher felt terrible for Coda because he did have a huge mark, but I told her he needs to learn to keep his hands to himself.

Then the teacher says, "that's not all that happened today."

WHAT? As if my son slapping another boy wasn't bad enough!?

She said Coda elbowed a little boy in the stomach. Instantly I thought about the little boy that has been teasing Coda. "Now," I said. "Coda did tell me that Tray was teasing him today, but he didn't mention elbowing him."

She goes on to tell me that Tray has been having a hard time with the other kids and has had to move him from different groups and it just so happened he got placed with Coda. She pulled Coda aside and asked him why he elbowed Tray. Then she asked if it was a good choice. Coda's response, "yes, because my daddy told me to." I laughed so hard! And it sounds like she struggled holding a giggle in too.

After I got off the phone I circled around the "elbowing" situation until Coda finally came out and told me the truth. When I asked him if Dad told him to do that he said "no" with a smile. Okay, really, it's not funny, but...it kind of is!

We had a good long talk about hitting, elbowing, apologizing, lying, and remembering who we are. I didn't punish him. I think the anxiety he felt about apologizing was punishment enough. The teacher gave him a good talking to, but was understanding that this is completely out of character for Coda.

This morning it was a small battle getting him to go back to school. But when I dropped him off I rolled my window down and yelled, "Have a nice day! Don't slap anyone! And no elbowing either!" He turned and gave me that cute little grin. I blew him a kiss, and was shocked when he blew me one back.

I LOVE YOU CODA, but don't ever do that again!